Solo Travel and Feeling Blue – the rich tapestry of human emotions

Travelling is not always the perfect picture postcard and the sunset bliss of an Instagram image. If anything, travelling extenuates the rich tapestry of our emotions. We would not be human if we did not feel anything other than awe, excitement, wonder and gratitude for the beautiful locations we find ourselves in.

Does this make you a bad traveller? Of course not, it makes you a rounded and interesting person with an ocean of emotions and experiences to dive into. Experiences, that will serve to make you emotionally stronger, and experiences that will enable you to relate to a vast array of people from all dimensions of life.

I could share several examples of when I have been travelling solo and I have suddenly been hit with loneliness, worry or sadness, and what’s more because I have been sat on a beautiful beach I have felt guilty for feeling those emotions. Sometimes negative feelings can hit for no apparent reason and sometimes there are very real reasons; but whatever the cause having a few emotional tools in your backpack to help you emerge through the murkiness is a good idea.

On a trip to Malaysia, I was a month into the stay when all of a sudden, my joie de vivre caved in and my emotions were in turmoil. It began when my son left and flew back home, and naturally this brought up a range of feelings, but it was heightened into full blown worry because he had food poisoning during the flight. So, the reasons for my anxiety were justified. However, it wasn’t just the fact that my son had food poisoning, everything else suddenly felt worrying too. I started to worry about being lonely, my partner back at home…. I just felt incredibly anxious.

And yet, two days later I felt fantastic. My perspective had shifted, and I thoroughly embraced the remainder of my time in Malaysia on my own. The horizon of my mind had opened back up and I felt excited, happy and motivated.

Update December 2024: In the last couple of years I’ve had some very difficult emotions to deal with whilst travelling, and strategies discussed below have been immensely helpful.

So how do we manage challenging emotions when they surface?

When we start to worry, we begin to focus on the minute. We justify our thoughts by picturing and projecting examples of worse case scenarios. In my case, I began googling every possible tropical illness my son could have caught. My world and my mental horizon had shrunk right down, and I had lost sight of the bigger picture. Yet, in reality, my son had food poisoning and it would pass.

We all have different methods of getting out of this boxed in thinking, and my way might not be the same as yours. However, these are some strategies that help me.

Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety and Depression

• Sit openly with your emotions – rather than pretending your worries do not exist, sit openly with them. Be honest with yourself and as the wise words of Rumi suggest ‘the moment you accept what troubles you have been given; the door will open’. Easy to say, sure, but also true. If we pretend we’re having the best time, all the time (even to ourselves) – how do we learn to deal with the side of emotions we label as negative? We don’t, they become big scary things that we hide away from and every time they emerge, we feel panicked. But, by accepting and shining a light on our feelings, we can begin to naturally move through them, understand them and learn how to deal with negativity when it arises.

• Staying present – when we worry or become anxious it’s often because we’re projecting into the future about something that might happen, or looking to the past and worrying about what we should’ve done. By moving your attention to the present moment and focusing on what is happening right now, without a mental dialogue it will help lessen your anxiety. For help to cultivate present moment awareness through solo travel, see this post.

• Breathe – using your breathe is a powerful tool to reduce stress and anxiety. Using simple breathing techniques will help you to feel immediately calmer and more relaxed. It will also help to bring you into the present moment. There are many different breathing techniques you can use. A very simple breathing exercise, is called the box breathe and it’s so effective that the Navy SEALs use it as a quick way to calm down the nervous system. It has 4 basic steps:

1. Breath in slowly whilst counting to 4. Ideally through you nose.
2. Hold the breath for whilst counting to 4.
3. Exhale slowly counting to 4.
4. Wait 4 seconds.
5. Repeat the process until you are feeling calmer.

• Talk to people and tell them how you are feeling – whether it’s your friends, family or fellow travellers. It’s easy to fall into the mind trap when travelling that you shouldn’t talk about having miserable days because of your idyllic surroundings, but this simply isn’t true. Let go of feeling any shame and be real. When you open up to others you quickly discover that we’re all just a big mixed bag of emotional craziness, and by remembering and recognising this you’re likely to start feeling better. What’s more you’ll connect with people on a much deeper level.

• Move! – negative emotions get stuck when we physically get stuck. If you change your physicality and your surroundings, your emotions will start to shift – go swimming, walk, do yoga, go for a run, dance – whatever gets you moving will get you out of your stuck mindset. I’m sure I’m not the only person who sinks into wallowing and forgets the value of exercise when stuck in an emotional rut. But I can’t emphasise enough how important it! It can fast track you to feeling infinitely more positive. So, keep moving!

• Words of wisdom – I always like to have a couple of books on my kindle that I would label as my emotional comfort blankets. These are books that over time have provided wise words to help me through challenging times. I know them well and merely flicking to a particular page or reading a particular line can be immensely restorative. It’s as though the familiar words pierce through and serve as a gentle wake up.  My go to books of wisdom are A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer. So, if you have go to books that bring you solace in difficult times, remember to pop them on your kindle. Or, perhaps for you it’s a piece of music, or a poem that soothes you soul.

• Take some time out – take some time out to just really be with yourself and look after yourself. Perhaps you have been so focused on what you want to see and where you want to go, that you’ve lost track of you. You could treat yourself to a massage or even go on a mini retreat away from the hustle and bustle.

• Connect with a Wellbeing Practitioner – it can really help to have a therapist, particularly when you’re travelling long term. Therapists can help you to navigate difficult emotions, help you with strategies to move through barriers and help you to feel a greater sense of balance. Orchids to Olives, offers a specially curated selection of wellbeing practitioners including counsellors, reiki and yoga practitioners who can help you on your journey to enhanced wellbeing.

Moving, staying open, talking and having tried and tested comfort resources, help me and may help you to move from boxed in thinking to big picture thinking.

Also, don’t forget to be open to picking up new tools for your emotional backpack as you continue on your way.

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Orchids to Olives

A journey of self-discovery, wisdom, healing and friendship