Married, Solo Travel & Reimagining Bucket Lists: An Interview with Tracy from Travel Bug Tonic
An Interview with Tracy from Travel Bug Tonic
Married, midlife and first steps solo travel
& reimagining bucket lists
Tracy is a newbie to solo travel, has a deep rooted curiosity for new experiences and a lifelong case of wanderlust. Her enthusiasm is infectious and as you wander through the Travel Bug Tonic website, you can’t help but smile and feel excited by her thoughtful insights.
Tracy’s motto is ‘Live everyday like it’s your trip of a lifetime.’ and I really feel like she does!.
She shares her love of travel with her husband and it was a delight to follow their recent two month trip to Europe, through Tracy’s gorgeous photography on Instagram, but what really sparked my interest and a desire to get to know Tracy a little more, was when I discovered that on the cusp of 50, she tentatively took her first steps into solo travel.
Having just published my own book ‘Solo Travel in a Relationship: break through barriers to your solo journey‘ I’m always excited, curious…and perhaps just plain nosy to chat to other women in relationships and learn more about their motivation to travel alone.
What follows is a lovely inspiring interview with Tracy, where we discuss all things solo travel whilst being married and hiking solo.
I also wanted to ask Tracy about her take on bucket lists, it’s one of those ubiquitous terms, which makes me groan. Always a bit of a rebel and a constant freedom seeker, the idea to me of having a to do list before I kick the bucket seems constrained and limiting, so I loved learning more about Tracy’s reimagined bucket list which she currently calls her ‘Ingredients to MY life well lived’ and yes solo travel is one of those tasty ingredients.
Interview with Tracy from Travel Bug Tonic
Tracy, from reading your Instagram posts it’s clear that both you and your husband love to travel. I loved seeing your recent posts and subsequent blogs on a recent two month trip you both took to Spain, Portugal and France. With such a shared mutual passion for travel, what has made you want to also go on solo travel adventures?
My husband and I started our relationship with a trip. He had never been to Europe, I had never travelled on my own (always with parents or teachers). In hindsight we weaved in travel and dreaming about travel together right from the start. But even in the best relationship there is always an element of compromise. On our trips as a couple, I never mind compromising a bit as I know he does for me as well. In his words – I like going in loops and circles, he often likes to go in straight lines. We know each other’s preferences and we like to make each other happy. It is fun to work together to create an experience that ends up richer because of the compromise. I get exposed to his perspective and he is exposed to mine. Then we celebrate each other…and sometimes roll our eyes (lovingly) at each other too.
And while I love sharing travel experiences with him, I also yearn to be the sole creator of an experience. Able to release any feelings of responsibility, dependence, or compromise. We have different and individual passions and interests. There are experiences that aren’t his jam…so I’d rather do them by myself.
Realistically I also realise that there might come a time when the desire or physical ability to travel might change for one of us. I don’t want to be dependent on someone else when travel fills me with such joy. I’ve looked at solo travel now as practice by choice before I ever get into a situation where it is a necessity.
Solo travel is still very much outside my comfort zone. Throughout my personal and professional life, I’ve learned that I can do just about anything with some friendly and supportive backup. I feel that solo travel is the type of travel that holds incredible personal growth for me because I’ll need to be my own friendly backup.
How does your husband feel about your desire to travel solo? Have you had to work through any challenges?
My husband is incredibly supportive. We have good friends that take separate holidays sometimes and it became intriguing to us both. The couple has successfully modelled travel together and apart – and they love both.
My husband also knows that I love a challenge and have a deep need for novelty. I think he actually likes it when his friends shockingly ask “Tracy is going alone?” It is unexpected and reflects the strength of our relationship – so I think he replies with a bit of pride too. Also, he’s not adverse to his own solo travel whether it’s an extended fly-fishing trip or a motorcycle journey, so I think he understands both my desire to solo travel and the positive impact it has for me.
We are very early in this journey of including solo travel in our relationship. I imagine that many challenges will be avoided with (as you write about in your book) open and honest communication. At this point I don’t want to go somewhere that we’d like to go together or do something alone that he’d really like to do. Instead I’ve been dreaming about places and experiences that speak to me alone.
I found it fascinating to learn that one of your first solo trips was to hike the Vancouver Island Trail. I think it’s incredibly brave because whilst I find it relatively easy to book a flight to the other side of the world and venture off solo, the thought of long distance solo hiking scares me even though it’s something I’d love to do. You wrote ‘…I kept hearing a noise behind me…I realised the sound I was hearing was my ponytail rubbing against my rain jacket hood..’ and I can’t help but feel that I would be constantly freaking out at such noises! What made you decide on a long distance hike for your first solo trip and how did you overcome those niggling safety concerns?
I spend a lot of time alone in the forest trails around my home. I’m very comfortable there and have years of experience walking or running alone. Of course there have been moments of coming across a strange noise, strange person, or wildlife encounter but those have been few and far between and just enough to keep a healthy respect for safety.
I wrote about my ponytail story to demonstrate that the mind is a powerful thing – and without mindfulness and common sense, one can get swept away in speculation. Boy did I laugh at myself when I realised it was my ponytail causing me anxiety! I welcome those moments during travel (not of danger, but of possible challenge) because it gets my problem solving mind in gear and I become fully engaged in the moment. It’s one of the reasons I love to travel (solo or with someone). Travel challenges us and gives us opportunities to rise up, learn, grow and deal with those challenges. The positive ripple effect on our lives is enormous.
Funny enough, on my first outing by myself at home after I had completed the solo journey, I came across a bear. I wasn’t scared but my adrenaline skyrocketed and I couldn’t help but wonder how it might have affected my 4 day trip on my own in unfamiliar territory. At home I can turn around and go home a different way – on my journey I didn’t have a lot of options. On reflection – I think because I have experienced some of the things people thought I should be scared about at home, I knew that I could draw on that experience on my solo trip. I didn’t have to – but I did have to deal with my ponytail!
I really enjoyed your blog post on bucket lists because I have a dislike of the ‘bucket list’ concept. I struggle to get my head around the idea of must see places before I kick the bucket! I think it’s because it seems quite limiting and I much prefer to go with the flow and see where my heart takes me. In your blog post ‘A bucket List Transformation: better list ideas for intentional living’ you analyse the concept of a bucket list, what spurred you to do this?
As I reached 50, hit pre-menopause, became an empty nester, and contemplated retirement, I began having my own inner struggle with the concept of the bucket list. In thinking about my “next chapter” I knew that travel was going to take a more significant role in my life, but even as someone who likes to plan and make to-do lists, a travel bucket list felt conflicting with my views of how I wanted to be as a traveller. I don’t want to be a surface explorer, I don’t want to be someone who only sees the top attractions of a destination. I want to be the person who discovers beauty around me – not only at one specific GPS coordinate. I want to be a traveller who finds the unexpected through serendipity or by accident or through unplanned connections.
It’s not that I completely dismiss a good list! Goals and action plans and to-do lists have been instrumental in many of the things I’ve accomplished in my life. But after tussling with this inner conflict about the bucket list, I realise that maybe there is a different way to look at travel dreams. In true Tracy fashion I dove into research and the more I read, the more uncomfortable I became with the traditional bucket list definition for myself. I’m not an anti-bucket list person but feel compelled to figure out how to define something that better reflects where I’m going in my exploration of how travel fits in my life. I hope that my exploration may help others who have realised a similar thing for themselves.
In your original bucket from 2007 you listed 42 items and stated it was ‘steeped in high expectations…’. How many of those 42 items have you ticked off and how many are relevant to Tracy in 2023?
When I look at my 2007 list I was a much younger woman in a very different place in my life. I had two young children trying to balance career aspirations. I was fortunate to do some travelling between life chapters that were dominated by school, work and then motherhood – but wanderlust certainly wasn’t out of my system (if that is even possible)!
In looking at the list today, I have ticked off about 15 of the 42 original “bucket” list items. It was the life experience ones (vs. destinations) that I’m really proud of such as having my own business, writing a book and seeing both my sons graduate. Of the remaining 27 there are just a few that still resonate including researching my ancestry on location in the UK, participating (somehow) in an archaeology dig, and staying in a castle.
Upon reflection, my original list didn’t consider experiences that I would be open and thrilled to take part in. And specifically in terms of travel, I’ve let go of the need to do everything. There are many places that I’d still love to visit but at the end of the day what I really want to say about my life is that I made good use of my time wherever I was, enjoyed home, explored the world and took advantage of opportunities I had never even considered.
What is still relevant are the FEELINGS that I was craving behind some of these items (activities or destinations). And that’s what I’ve come to understand. It’s not really about “going on an African Safari” per se – it is the feeling of awe that comes from feeling small in an expansive landscape and being a witness to the wonders of nature that I crave.
I love that you suggested renaming this list to something more meaningful such as ‘Ingredients to a life well lived’. How does this differ from your original list and how has your approach to creating a list changed?
I am now more aware that travel experiences have an outcome. Travel can be much deeper than a visit somewhere or a tourist’s itinerary. It can be a catalyst to feel and think differently. I have oriented myself to exploring the feelings and outcomes I want from my experiences in life – through travel but also how I choose to spend my time at home.
Does solo travel feature in your current list?
Solo travel absolutely features in my list of ingredients to MY life well lived. I’m not the kind of person who jumps off the dock hoping I can teach myself to swim before I drown. So I’m enjoying the learning and growing part of becoming a solo traveller. I started small and in a way that was unique to me…and I’m excited about flexing this new muscle more. I’d like to try a different kind of solo trip – at least one a year, something that is intentional, that opens me in new ways. As you mentioned in your first question – I have a wonderful and willing partner to travel with. But I know it’s not an either or thing – I can travel with him and without him, with a girlfriend, and by myself. All of those ways of travelling are going to teach me something new about the world and about myself.
Tracy is a community developer and learning specialist with a lifelong case of wanderlust. She draws on 20+ years of working with the world’s top research on the science of wellbeing and change, and helps people take informed action.
Want to learn more, visit Travel Bug Tonic.
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