Are you excited by the prospect of solo travel, but feel reluctant because you are worried about being alone?

‘If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone’ Maxwell Maltz.

I often hear from friends that they love the idea of solo travel, but the fear of spending long periods of time alone stops them from booking a holiday. In this post, I want to delve into this a little and perhaps help alleviate those worries.

Worrying about being alone can usually be boiled down to three main reasons: you’re scared that you will be lonely, you’re freaked out by the idea of being ‘seen’ to be alone or you’re an extrovert and you simply love being around other people.

The fear of loneliness

Like all fears, the projection that you’ll be lonely comes from a place of not knowing. It’s easy to concoct in your imagination that you’ll be sat pining into a lonely cocktail as the days tick slowly by, but honestly on the contrary! Unless you specifically want to spend time alone it’s easy to meet people when travelling. Indeed, you are far more likely to meet people when you are travelling solo because you are naturally more open and more aware of people around you, particularly other solo travellers. Thus, striking up a conversation and finding common ground is relatively straightforward.

If the thought of spending long periods of time on your own gives you the collywobbles, but you still want to travel solo, see my tips below for ideas on how to meet people.  

However, before you start booking yourself onto every social event going, take a step back and consider the positives of spending time alone. It’s important to remember that being alone does not equate to loneliness, the two words are not interchangeable. Spending time alone offers the perfect opportunity to really get to know yourself and to enjoy your own company. It’s also a great time for some serious personal growth and confidence building; perhaps you will learn amazing things about yourself that you never knew before. How many times in life do we really get the opportunity to just be by ourselves?

Rather than worrying about being lonely, consider time spent alone as a gift to yourself.

Sure, there might be times when you will wonder why an earth you gave yourself so much quality ‘me’ time and feelings of being uncomfortable may arise. But do you know what? Personal growth and inner self-assurance come from situations that challenge us emotionally and mentally, where our brains have to work a little harder and refigure a little. Personal growth doesn’t come from things that are easy and familiar.

The time old saying ‘life begins at the end of your comfort zone’ holds true – ask anyone who has taken that leap. So, if you feel a little uncomfortable, say to yourself ‘great, I’m going to sit with this feeling and let’s see where it takes me…what can I learn?’ I know from my own personal experiences, that after I’ve dipped my toe into the cauldron of uncomfortableness, I emerge feeling stronger and ready to embrace the world

Freaked out by the thought of being ‘seen’ to be alone?

This is totally different to feeling scared of actually being alone and extremely common! Perhaps you’re cool with spending time alone, but the thought of others seeing you alone in say a restaurant freaks you out! We live in a society which puts socialising and the number of friends you have on a very high unrealistic pedestal, therefore worrying that you are being ‘seen’ to be alone is understandable.

This often feels like an irrational fear, because let’s face it: firstly – unless you’re in your hometown no one will know who you are and secondly of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being on your own!! However, if you’ve ever had that sinking feeling of self-consciousness where you feel that everyone is looking and judging you for being sat alone – yes, the one that takes you straight back to the school playground – you will know how icky that feeling is! And sure, I’ve been there, but it’s like anything the more you do something the easier it becomes and worries like this become a distant memory.

Again, this comes back to my previous point about inner confidence. You need to embrace being a little uncomfortable until it starts to feel normal.  It’s also helpful to remember that a confident woman sat alone, be it in a restaurant, a café or on a sightseeing tour is sexy! I am not talking about trying to attract attention sexy (unless you want to of course). I’m talking about inner sassy sexiness that makes you feel like a goddess – for you! The kind of self-assured sexiness that makes you feel in control and able to pursue your own dreams.

The best way to wipe out your fear of being seen to be alone, is ‘fake it, until you make it’. Yep, pretend! When you pretend to feel confident, your brain literally learns how to feel confident – just like how it learns anything else. Our brains are made up all millions of neurons which communicate which each other via synaptic connections. The more we practice something the more hard wired those little connections become and learning takes place. We have the ability to create new connections all the time, therefore if you act ‘as if’ you are super laid back your brain will begin to learn that feeling and the more you do it, the more it becomes ingrained as a way of being. In no time, those feelings of unease will be banished.

How to practice looking and feeling confident alone:

• Adjust your body language – sit up straight and put your shoulders back. This immediately sends messages to your brain that you feel good.
• Smile to yourself – smiling causes pleasure chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and endorphins to rush through your body thus increasing confidence levels.
• Relax your face, jaw and body – if you notice any tension then tell that part of the body to relax. I know that I tense my jaw and frown when I’m worried so I purposefully check those areas if I start to feel stressed and by noticing the tension, you can deliberately release it.
• Breathe slowly and deeply from your diaphragm – by practising nice slow breathing your body automatically begins to relax.
• Wear something that makes you feel good – you may not have a full wardrobe choose from but even something as simple as a squirt of your favourite perfume can induce feelings of inner self-confidence.
• Have something to do – whether it’s a book, an iPad or your phone, having something to do always helps you feel more at ease and less conspicuous.
• Order yourself a nice meal – just because you’re alone you don’t need to snack and dash. Don’t shy away from ordering yourself a nice three course meal with a glass of wine in a fancy restaurant if that’s what you desire. Learning to enjoy a meal by yourself is one of life’s little pleasures and there’s nothing that looks more confident than a woman sat on her own appreciating a delicious meal.

“You are presented with two choices, evolve or repeat”

Extrovert?

If you fall into the extrovert camp, have no fear! You’ll meet plenty of like minded travellers on your trips. See my tips below for meeting people when travelling solo.

Tried and tested ways of meeting people when travelling solo

• Hostels – are great places to meet fellow travellers. If you haven’t stayed in a hostel for some time, you may be imagining some dreary bunk bedded dorm and damp socks hanging off radiators (or does that just show my age?) However, whatever your age, hostels have changed enormously since I was a kid and there’s a fantastic array to cater for all styles and tastes, including women only. I particularly loved Moon Tree 47 on my recent travels to Penang: gorgeous interior, friendly staff (including the 4-legged kind) and perfect coffee! Most hostels have lounges and kitchens, where you can relax, get on with some work, read or chat with fellow residents. If like me, you’re fond of your own space, you don’t need to stay in a dorm as many hostels offer single rooms with the option of private or shared bathrooms, so you get the hostel communal living experience but with a little extra privacy.

• Airbnb accommodation – whether you stay in a homestay or rent a whole flat/house Airbnb can offer the perfect opportunity to meet and chat with local residents. I’ve met some lovely people through Airbnb, from staying with a wonderfully eccentric older lady in Kandy, Sri Lanka, who provided English lessons to local children in a her house to lounging by the pool and chatting to residents at a condominium in Penang.

• Airbnb Experiences – in addition to accommodation, Airbnb has recently developed Experiences. I tried it for the first time in Malaysia and I thought it was such a great idea that I regretted not doing more! The way it works is that you go into your Airbnb app and chose experiences rather than accommodation. It then lists all the experiences for your chosen area, examples, to name a few include organised walks, cooking classes, bike rides, photography, and food tours. I took part in a traditional Chinese tea ceremony and it was an highlight of my trip and such good value for money. It’s a wonderful way to learn about the local culture and meet new people.

• Yoga and other classes – I personally love yoga, and I find it a wonderful way to meet like-minded new people. There’s nothing like soothing the soul and then a good chat over coffee (or herbal tea) after a yoga session. Of course, if yoga isn’t your thing, you could try any other type of classes.

• Volunteering is without a doubt a wonderful way to meet fabulous people from all walks of life whilst putting back into the local community. My own experience of volunteering in Sri Lanka was immensely positive, I was welcomed warmly into the volunteer family, inspired by the kind hearts of the people I encountered and met lifelong friends. If you’re travelling solo for the first time, volunteering is a great way to start.

• Organised trips – there are oodles of organised trips that you can join all over the world from wine tours in the Loire Valley to exploring the Masters in Florence, just get yourself booked onto one and there you go – a readymade set of new people to chat away to.

• Meet-up – if you’ve not downloaded the Meet-up app to your phone, I’d definitely recommend it. From drinks to meals out, and from hiking to salsa, Meet-up is the perfect way to meet people with similar interests in your local vicinity, wherever that may be!

• Airports, train journeys, buses – believe it or not one of the easiest ways to spark up a conversation is whilst travelling. Standing around waiting for a delayed bus offers the perfect opportunity for chance friendships or at the very least a little company on the road.

• Cafes – who doesn’t love a coffee? There are now so many cool cafes where locals, travellers and digital nomads hang out. It’s not difficult to start a casual conversation with someone on the next table.

• Bars – I’m not suggesting you get yourself several cocktails and get sozzled so you throw yourself at everyone in sight, but, sometimes bars are a great place to meet people due to their relaxed nature. Try sitting at the bar, at the very least the bar person will usually chat to you.

• Language classes – I’ve not done this yet, but I really want to! There are language classes all over the world in fantastic locations. You can immerse yourself in you chosen language on a daily basis, stay with a local family to continue your practice and of course meet fellow students. I seriously need to learn Italian and I think this would be perfect!

Above lists some of my tried and tested ways of meeting people, and one (learning a language) that I want to try. There are many more social media platforms and apps that I’ve looked into but haven’t tried such as Couch Surfing and Workaway to name but a few. I’d love to hear from you if you have a particular app that you love and recommend for meeting new people.

For more on solo travel read:

• Why I love to travel solo and why you might too
• Travelling Solo as an Introvert (and why we’re great at it!)