12 Benefits of Solo Travel for YOUR Relationship (a snippet from my book)
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
– Lao Tzu
Can solo travel benefit your relationship?
Whether you want to take a short solo city break to Paris, a pampering retreat to Bali or you are desperate to set off for several months on a solo travel adventure around South-East Asia, your relationship cannot only be maintained but thrive, and benefit greatly from the time apart.
Contrary to popular belief, being in a relationship is not a reason to push solo travel to the back of the ‘something I would do if I were single’ cupboard, being in a relationship is an excellent reason to jet off alone and soak up some enriching me time whilst at the same time giving your partnership a powerful boost.
This post explores why solo travel can be the perfect energiser, passion dynamo and all-round relationship enhancer.
Note: this post doesn’t cover the many personal benefits of travelling alone nor the barriers women in relationships may find when considering a solo trip – these are covered in detail in my book and other blog posts.
This blog post is a little snippet from my book ‘Solo Travel in a Relationship – break through barrier to your solo journey’
Available from:
12 Benefits of Solo Travel for Your Relationship
This post contains affiliate links.
1. A Happy Relationship is Made Up of Happy Individuals
Relationships are generally made up of two individuals who choose to be together because they really like each other’s company. However, they are not responsible for each other’s happiness.
Your happiness is your responsibility and if solo travel is something you are passionate and excited about it can be a route to greater personal fulfilment (I discuss this in detail in my book). This benefits not just you, but everyone around you, including your partner because when you feel happy and energised, your vitality radiates outwards touching all those close to you.
I think we all know people who seem to radiate energy and life, they are a joy to be around, they are stimulating, and you want to spend more time in their company. In contrast, you probably also know individuals who suck the living daylights out of you with their negativity and woe is me attitude. I know who I prefer to be around! Do you?
In the words of Elizabeth Lesser in ‘Broken Open‘, ‘if we try to love or lead, or work or pray, from a dry well, then we will serve up a bitter cup to those around us and never really live the life we were given’ (2004, p.49).
Happiness is your calling, it’s an inside job and when you make that decision to be in charge of it, you and your partner reap the rewards.
2. Absence Really Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
– T Fuller
It’s a cliché but there is much truth in it. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
If I could bottle that feeling of when I am returning home from a solo trip and sell it, I would be a rich woman. Why? Because it fizzes with delicious magical soul dancing skin tingling excitement!
When I fly back from a solo trip, watching the clouds drift below and ticking off the hours, the only thing in my heart is the anticipation and joy of being in my lover’s arms again. On these return journeys, my excitement parallels the feelings of when we first met, but with an added depth.
And then, of course, there are the first few hours and days that we are together again…bliss.
I was telling a friend about this feeling of coming home joy, and she sceptically enquired ‘so does it end after those few first days? Is it like having a fling and then getting bored and wanting to move on?’ I could understand why she was asking. After the distance and the build-up of emotions, I could see why she may construe it to be an anti-climax after the initial buzz. However, my answer was of course not. I love my partner and yes sure the initial excitement subsides after a few days and normality prevails, but the periods of absence, sharpen and intensify our love, which permeates our relationship and further strengthens it.
It’s an exquisite thing to miss someone and return back to them.
3. Increased Curiosity
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
– Mignon McLaughlin
Curiosity gives that sparkle and pizazz to relationships and keeps it fresh.
In any new relationship there is a strong element of curiosity. You want to know all there is to know about that person – whether they like spinach, whether they recycle, what they think about the colour blue…everything about them is new, fresh, and exciting. Each piece of new information is like unravelling a giant multicoloured pass the parcel game.
However, over time, the curiosity may diminish. You may feel you know all there is to know about your loved one. Maybe you finish their sentences, perhaps you’ve heard the same story more than once, you know their political views, you know that you’ll go out for a meal on Friday….In other words, you’ve unwrapped the many colourful layers and you are holding in your hand the slightly less riveting pass the parcel prize from a discount store.
Okay, okay! I’m being mean and generalising wildly, but you get the point.
As relationships unfold, there is a slight tendency for things to become a little routine and predictable. In marked contrast, when you embark on a solo travel adventure suddenly all that predictability is given a good old shake up and routine flies out the window. Curiosity is given the room to grow again.
Perhaps you no longer feel like you know everything about your partner. Maybe your conversations are richer and more inspiring, as you both dip into the pool of the unknown. Maybe, new ideas take root leading the way for new opportunities. Who knows? It’s not for me to say. However, what I do know is that by giving your relationship the gift of curiosity, you’re giving it the space for love to be revitalised and to flourish.
Absence therefore not only makes the heart grow fonder in the short term it also creates the feeling of space in your heart and mind for a revived sense of curiosity and this is such a beautiful feeling.
4. Improved Relationship Communication
Communication is to a relationship what breath is to life. Virginia Satir
Spending time apart can enrich communication. Sharing your day, your thoughts and feelings becomes an important way to feel close, and for many couples it becomes natural to want to share love, care and gratitude through regular communication.
In our routine daily lives, it’s all too easy to get into the habit of a peck on the cheek and an ‘I love you’ before work, without really considering the meaning behind those three little words. The converse is true with time apart, the depth of meaning is everything and even the most diehard un-romantics can turn into budding poets.
Communication, both the ability to listen attentively and talk with meaning, is fundamental to any relationship. We all know this, and yet a common complaint between well-established couples is that they feel their partner doesn’t always listen to them. There can be a tendency to half listen, nodding and going through the motions of listening, whilst concurrently thinking about other things – work, what to make for tea or the measurements for a perfect martini. It’s not due to a lack of love, nor something we necessarily do purposefully. However, routine and familiarity can lead to that all too comical ‘ah ha, oh really…that’s interesting…yes dear’ phenomena.
Taking a break from your familiar routine means that you do not talk simply because your partner is there in front of you with ready and available ears, but instead it is likely that there will be eagerness to really talk and really listen to each other.
Imagine that – no more ‘yes dears…’ and instead ‘ooooh really tell me all about that darling!’
Furthermore, arranging a time to chat, especially if you are in a different time zone, adds a new dimension to when you can communicate. Personally, as I wait for our arranged chat time, I’m full of anticipatory excitement. I sometimes even get happy tummy butterflies!
Communication is the foundation for a successful solo trip, and I return to it again and again within my book.
5. Independence
Solitude is independence.
–Herman Hesse
Independence is important for a relationship because it shows that you are with that person because you choose to be, not because you need or rely on them. Independence gives you the self-knowledge that you can get by perfectly well by yourself, but you choose to be with your gorgeous partner because you love him to bits.
Some relationships struggle when one or both partners become too dependent on each other. Whilst it is of course great to support each other practically and emotionally, it’s also important that you do this as individuals and because you want to, not because you feel compelled to. When you blindly expect that your partner always cooks dinner, is always there as your emotional sounding board, always navigates when you go on a trip…it can lead to resentment, or simply become tedious and boring.
Solo travel inevitability puts you in a situation where you have to be independent, nobody else is going to find the hotel and nobody else is going to make sure you’re on the correct train. Furthermore, it places your partner in a situation where they must be independent, whether they are home, or they’ve decided to go off on their own adventure.
Independence feels good.
6. Trust
Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.
– Julianne Moore
What is a relationship without trust?
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is trust. Trust is the foundation from which a strong connection is formed. Without trust it’s hard for a relationship to move beyond first base, thrive and progress to deeper levels.
Some may claim that solo travel is a test of trust; however, I would argue that if your relationship is already trust driven solo travel further reinforces that level of trust. In fact, in its most positive sense solo travel deepens trust and security between a couple, and further strengthens the relationship.
It’s a great feeling to know that you can be apart for a prolonged period and that you trust each other implicitly.
We are all at different stages with trust, depending on previous experiences. If trust comes up as an issue, solo travel can be a way to bring those issues to the forefront and a way smooth over some of those rocky edges. I explore trust in detail within the book, and offer techniques for helping with trust before embarking on a solo journey.
7. Introverted Partners – a Time to Refresh
Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.
– Susan Cain
Solo travel offers introverted partners the perfect opportunity to refresh and revitalise.
In very simple terms, people who consider themselves introverts gain their energy from spending time alone and extroverts gain their energy from being around other people. Our brains are wired differently and what makes an extrovert buzz with excitement, can make an introvert feel overwhelmed and tired. It’s an unfortunate fact that much of western society is geared up to the extrovert ideal from schooling to the workplace, to societal expectations of what you do on a Friday night. If you are interested in reading more about introverts, I wholeheartedly recommend Susan Cain’s book Quiet or her TED Talks.
Speaking as an introvert myself, I need periods of solitude. Time alone is fundamental to my happiness and it’s one of the reasons I love to travel solo.
Many introverts find that an extended period of alone time is akin to taking a very deep breath of air and letting it out very slowly in complete relief. This is not a relief to be away from loved ones, but the pure unadulterated relief of time alone. Time to just simply be.
Travelling solo offers abundant solitude from the very minute you set foot on your adventure.
I was trawling a Facebook group recently and somebody asked the question ‘is it okay to just stay in your apartment and read when you’re on a city break?’ The woman commented that she felt a sense of guilt. My initial internal reaction was one of wow you’re really asking this question. However, as I pondered, I realised that this question is actually a reflection of living in a society that extols the virtues of extroversion. In other words, to enjoy your time – you should be doing doing doing and if you’re not then you feel guilty.
Whereas actually this woman’s soul was saying to her I want to luxuriate in my beautiful apartment (that I’ve paid all this money for), feel the warmth of the sun as I read on my balcony, order a glass of wine from room service, bask in the glory of my own company, breathe and relax, whilst a life foreign to my own plays out below.
Solo travel is about doing exactly as you please, it’s about tuning into yourself and not feeling like you should be doing something because that’s what everyone else does, and that’s what the guidebook says you should not miss. It’s your holiday.
For all the introverts out there, who need their alone time, solo travel revitalises your heart, mind and soul. After experiencing this glorious unadulterated alone time, you will return to your partner feeling refreshed and energised. Ready to give and receive bountiful love.
8. Alone time is good for everyone
Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own.
– Oprah Winfrey
The merits of spending time alone are not just restricted to the partner who travels, but to both and whether your partner decides to stay at home or go on their own trip, they will also reap the rewards of some solo time. Research shows that spending time alone is healthy regardless of whether you are an introvert or extrovert.
Here are some of the benefits of solitude:
Improved concentration and memory – when you spend time alone, your attention becomes much more focused, which in turn improves memory.
Increased productivity – do you have something you really want to do but you keep putting it off? Time spent alone is perfect for finally getting that job done!
Enhanced creativity– throughout the centuries, artists, philosophers, innovators and writers have spoken of the need to spend time alone. Solitude is associated with enhanced creativity and concentration. Talented people from Shakespeare to Aldous Huxley, Monet to Lana Del Ray, Darwin to Steve Wozniak and Audrey Hepburn to Chrissie Hinde have spoken about the need for solitude (Alone Time, Rosenbloom, 2019).
Getting to know yourself – alone time is good for self-development. Time alone, gives you the opportunity to experiment and make your own choices without the influence of someone else’s opinions. It allows us to gently reconnect with our inner selves, to reflect and find balance. This strengthens the relationship with ourselves, and in turn enables us to connect with others in a much healthier way. I discuss this in detail in my book.
Relaxation and reflection – in our hectic noise filled world, a chance for quiet can be a blessing. Spending time by ourselves, can be a time when we truly relax. If you’ve not experienced this for a while, it can be quite an eye opener and a window into the soul.
9. Passion and Intimacy
Solo travel can do wonders for your sex life.
Absence not only makes your heart grow fonder it can also give your libido a boost.
Sex and intimacy are fundamental to having a fulfilling and happy relationship. Solo travel is a great way to stoke the embers of passion and embrace the role of lovers.
Here are some ways, your sex life may be enhanced by a little distance:
Horny overdrive – a little absence in the bedroom department may have you lusting after your partner as though he has morphed into George Clooney overnight (or female equivalent). Many couples report that during the initial stages of being separated, libidos flat line in the knowledge that it’s going to be a while before they see their loved one again. However, once they’re over the half-way hump and the end is in sight, humping (pardon the pun) takes the limelight. It’s not uncommon for an insatiable lust to set in and the desire to feel your partner, drives you and him slightly crazy (in a good way).
This sexual fervency is a feeling akin to when you first start dating. Do you remember the days when you couldn’t imagine not wanting to ravish your lover every moment of the day?
Finding innovative ways to share your passion – one of the pleasures of being separated from your partner is the freedom to express your desire and finding ways to satiate it. From long lingering phone calls to texting your passion, these days we have a whole range of multimedia options available to us. Alternatively, perhaps you prefer old school romance and prefer to write letters to light up your partner’s day.
Sharing your passion, in whichever manner you prefer, will no doubt put a spring in both of your steps.
Discovery and exploring – you may find that the distance enables you to communicate your desires easier than in person.
Sometimes physical distance allows an openness to unfold that may not have otherwise happened, or may have taken longer. There is a natural tendency to want to share more when you miss someone a lot. It’s a way of bringing that person closer to you, a way of closing the physical gap.
Increased overall intimacy – finding ways to be intimate whilst a partner is away, is one thing, but the enduring effect is that it can open doors to better and stronger communication about sex overall leading to an added level of depth and satisfaction to your love making.
10. Different Holiday Preferences
There is a strange notion that when you are in a relationship you should automatically have the same holiday preferences, but for many couples this is simply not the case.
Travelling solo enables you both to go on the type of vacation you prefer. If you want to go trekking in the Andes but your partner prefers the art galleries of Rome, it’s a no brainer that you go on these holidays separately. It makes sense not only on a personal interest level, but also financially – why waste the money going on a holiday that doesn’t particularly appeal to both of you, when you can save that money by having independent holidays, followed by a joint holiday that you both really fancy?
11. Different Work Patterns
The pandemic has changed how we work. With hybrid or fully remote models of work becoming the new normal, many of us have been granted greater flexibility with regards to when and how we take vacations.
The impact, of course, varies depending on the type of job you do. If both partners have jobs that require them to attend their place of work, there is little change. However, for those couples who are now experiencing either one or both partners working from home, the freedom to spend part of this time in a different country has been opened up, meaning that for the first time many couples have greater scope to test the waters with solo travel.
Whilst writing my book I spent a portion of my time in the Canary Islands and in Sri Lanka. I guess you could call it a writing-cation. I have this flexibility because I work freelance, and I am not dependent on my location. In contrast, at the time my partner was a college lecturer and didn’t have the same degree of flexibility. So, I made the most of this situation and embraced my love of solo travel whilst continuing to work.
12.Blended Families
Families these days come in all shapes and sizes, and blended has become very much the norm with each or both partners bringing their own tribe to the mix.
The varying ages of children may provide the perfect opportunity for a spot of solo travel. This could ring true, particularly if one partner has grown up children whilst the other has little cherubs. Solo travel may be the perfect answer for some much-needed self-care time.
This post has explored some of the benefits of solo travel for your relationship. The most important message is that solo travel can be a gift to your relationship. It can deepen your connection to each other, whilst bringing about greater personal and relationship happiness.
Explore further with my book ‘Solo Travel in a Relationship‘
If this post has sparked your interest or you’d like to learn more about travelling without your loved one, you may enjoy my book. It covers the benefits of solo travel on a personal and relationship level, but perhaps more importantly it explores the challenges faced by women in relationships and how to work through them.
Potential challenges may include:
- The feeling of selfishness
- Broaching the subject with partners
- The difficult perception that couples DO NOT travel solo
- Trust
- Safety
- Coping in the world alone
My book offers techniques and strategies for overcoming those barriers, that both you and your partner can use alone and together.
And as a bonus! It also contains stories by six fabulous women who also love to have adventures alone without their partners in tow.
If you’re in a relationship and want to travel solo, this is a book written for you.
Available now as an eBook and paperback!
Available from:
An interview with Travel Bug Tonic
I was delighted when Tracy, from Travel Bug Tonic asked if she could interview me. She’d read my book and it had helped her take those first steps into travelling alone. You can read the interview here.
Tracy states ‘The messages in Solo Travel in a Relationship instantly clicked for me. I thought – THIS is the book any woman in a relationship who is even remotely intrigued by solo travel needs to read! I devoured it and celebrated that it validated every feeling and every question I had before, during, and after my journey. Phew, I’m normal!’ Travel Bug Tonic
Related Blog Posts:
Solo Travel in a Relationship – Buy the Book!
Married, Solo Travel & Reimagining Bucket Lists: An Interview with Tracy from Travel Bug Tonic
Update October 2024: Shortly following the release of my book, my relationship came to an end . I went through a period of conflicting emotions in relation to my book. I felt a lot of shame as I perceived I had ‘failed’ at the very thing I had written so passionately about. However, as time moved on I came to the understanding that I didn’t fail – the relationship didn’t work out, but everything I wrote stands true and comes from my heart. I’ve learnt a lot of personal lessons from it and if I have another relationship, and have the desire to travel alone I would.
You can read my story here: My descent into darkness and healing
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